I’ve been living my life in phases. Currently I’m in the experiences and participating phase. I feel like I’ve been living my life so backwards. First I was married and had kids, now I’m dating and living with roommates. I’m just soaking up every experience I can. I feel like so much of my past life was lived asleep and now that I’m awake to the world, feeling so alive, I want to gobble it all up… everything I can. So I’m learning about sports and learning to fly fish and reminding myself that I CAN do things when before I didn’t think I could. I’m deciding if I like shrimp and ribs and colorful skinny jeans and long hair. And when experiences turn out not as good as I want (dudes, if you invite a girl out to coffee, ALWAYS PAY FOR IT) I remind myself that I still had the experience. I now know what that feels like, for a little while I got to live it. Carrie always reminds me that each experience is just material for my (someday) book.
I don’t say NO very much (participating) because now is the time to try things and saying NO takes away people’s chance to welcome us into their hearts. So we celebrate holidays we’ve never celebrated. The kids went on their first-ever Easter egg hunt last weekend because I wanted them to try it and see what they thought. (They are having a little bit of hard time wrapping their head around this new phase of life.) And we go hiking and we light campfires in the back yard even though the dudes aren’t around and we clean up the yard by ourselves (because we CAN) and I sit in church all by myself (and find out that it’s one of my favorite things to do alone). And I learn to live in community, to let people lift me and the kids up when I can’t do it all.
I feel proud of myself for being a little bit brave. For wanting to try new things and not fearing the inevitable failure that might come. I feel so thankful that I am so awake, so alive. That I SEE the world around me and that I’ve found a way to be SO content in the life I live RIGHT NOW. That I’m not really wishing for much because what I have is pretty great. That I am whole and enough and loved. And that there is so much more out there to experience!