(Written in response to a friend’s blog post)

There have been a multitude of times in my life that I have felt like I was completely alone. Always those times came when I was experiencing a large swell of emotions. But looking back I realize that I wasn’t alone, but pushing away the people who would be there for me. That I didn’t give the people who do love me enough credit to love and care for me for who I was, wether I was something I thought they would be capable of loving or not.

Just a couple days ago, after hearing that a friend of mine had gone through an emotional and difficult evening alone, I realized that most often we go through difficult things alone because we don’t ask for help. This was revolutionary to me. Those times when I was convinced that no one really loved me, that no one was really there, could have been avoided if I would have rolled over and talked to my husband or picked up the phone and called a trusted friend. Maybe I was afraid of being transparent? But I know that a little transparency would have gone a long way in healing my brokenness. I couldn’t believe I never saw this.

Another thing I know: believing I was alone was just what the deceiver wanted me to believe, giving me a small taste of hell – and I was willing to swallow it.

I know that sometimes emotions do not follow reality – actually, USUALLY emotions do not follow reality. Learning to push my emotions away and cling to what is actually real has been a difficult lesson for me to learn, one that I continue to learn over and over. I’m still trying to figure out why God made us such emotional beings…

ME: “You and me, we’ve both really got it together.”

MY WONDERFUL ALL KNOWING PERFECT HUSBAND (as he calls himself): “I’m really not that organized, but compared to most of the people I know, I’m a freakin day planner and they’re just crumpled up stickies on the floor board. I’m a PDA and they are a wall calendar from two years back that never got changed after February.”