my small moment of profundity (must document)

(Written in response to a friend’s blog post)

There have been a multitude of times in my life that I have felt like I was completely alone. Always those times came when I was experiencing a large swell of emotions. But looking back I realize that I wasn’t alone, but pushing away the people who would be there for me. That I didn’t give the people who do love me enough credit to love and care for me for who I was, wether I was something I thought they would be capable of loving or not.

Just a couple days ago, after hearing that a friend of mine had gone through an emotional and difficult evening alone, I realized that most often we go through difficult things alone because we don’t ask for help. This was revolutionary to me. Those times when I was convinced that no one really loved me, that no one was really there, could have been avoided if I would have rolled over and talked to my husband or picked up the phone and called a trusted friend. Maybe I was afraid of being transparent? But I know that a little transparency would have gone a long way in healing my brokenness. I couldn’t believe I never saw this.

Another thing I know: believing I was alone was just what the deceiver wanted me to believe, giving me a small taste of hell – and I was willing to swallow it.

I know that sometimes emotions do not follow reality – actually, USUALLY emotions do not follow reality. Learning to push my emotions away and cling to what is actually real has been a difficult lesson for me to learn, one that I continue to learn over and over. I’m still trying to figure out why God made us such emotional beings…

Category: me 5 comments »

5 Responses to “my small moment of profundity (must document)”

  1. Wendy

    For me, a big part of it is vulnerability. I have a big idea of who I am, and letting someone into the more raw parts feeling belies that. Also, I think we need sometimes to have those times of feeling desperately alone, how lucky we are when we realise those are self-inflicted and how surrounded we are by love. It’s nice to have support and love, it’s also nice to have some emotional headspace every once in a while.

  2. Sonja

    I think we’re so emotional because it makes us capable of love and compassion.
    It’s amazing to me how we walk into the enemy’s wide-open trap sometimes – especially when we’re hurting. I think we need to learn to take our pain more seriously and view it less as a personal flaw, weakness, or downfall.
    Good profound moment!!

  3. Lisa

    Sometimes it is hard to ask for help, because it feels like failure. But in reality, it is doing what God made us to do, be a body. Thank you for the reminder, I struggle with this too!

  4. Bonnie

    I read this today of all days. I need to call a friend. Thank you.

  5. Kari

    Maybe he made us such emotional beings so we could truly feel the entirety of his love and understanding…we just have to ask. ;)

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