some slack
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the judgement we pass on each other. When it comes down to it, we are all deeply flawed. I guess I don’t understand the part of human nature that prompts us to point out those flaws in each other. I think it becomes even harder when parenting choices come into question. I know a lot of us go into parenting totally naive. We think that things should be a certain way and judge all the others who do it differently.
I know personally, I went into parenting with very strong views about staying home (ala Dr. Laura). How I regret the judgement I passed on moms needing to work. I think many times we judge what we don’t understand. And I think that once I entered the situation where I needed to work the few hours that I do, more for my mental health than my financial health, I began to understand why some moms work. Honestly, I can’t count the words I’ve eaten.
I still believe that there are absolutes, there are rights and wrongs, but I think many times, we make our view of “absolutes” too broad. I think that unless you see someone crossing that absolute line, that we should have more faith in our fellow parents ability to do their job their own way. This doesn’t mean that I don’t hold standards, I hold many of them. But I guess I’m trying to get to the point where I think long and hard before holding anyone but myself up to those standards.
Category: parenting struggles 7 comments »
October 13th, 2005 at 10:54 am
Well said and AMEN!
October 13th, 2005 at 12:24 pm
Its hard not to pas judgement, not to expect others to follow your set of standards and morals, I am not a parent yet I still struggle with that. Its hard to believe that people do the best they can that they have their own set of standards that they answer to individual and uniquly their own. Good for you to trying to notice!
October 13th, 2005 at 6:59 pm
It’s interesting that you bring this up. I have honestly been having the same type of thoughts. It has always been my “dream” to be a stay-home-mom. When Christopher was born I still worked part time, but in my job, part time was only 2 days a week. This was basically for “play money” and for the fact that I wanted to somewhat maintain the skills my career offered. I found myself looking down on moms that worked full time and I also had my strong opinions on day care. Now that our financial situation mandates that I work full time (plus some) I have been forced to face my own judgements and have been humbled. I do, however, feel very judged by others, at times, because I am a full time working mom. I agree, it is very important to realize that everyone does what they need to do and that we are all doing our best to raise our children, provide for our families, and most of all follow God’s will for our lives (even when we don’t understand why it is what it is sometimes!) We don’t love our children any less because we work. Thanks for bringing this up . . . it’s good food for thought.
October 13th, 2005 at 7:18 pm
oh you have no idea how i can relate to your words. i am constantly eating them and constantly passing judgement. why do i do this? does it make me feel better about myself? who knows (even though i am sure deep down i do know).
allison, thank you so much for this post. i really needed it.
hugs :)
October 13th, 2005 at 10:14 pm
Your words are so wise! Are you really just 24??!! haha! OH, to have had your wisdom at that age! Great BLOG!
October 14th, 2005 at 8:40 am
This is a tough one for me, as you already know. I’m the primary breadwinner in our family and while I would love to stay home, I am also proud to show my kids that while I *do* work outside the home, that they are still my top priority all the time and I’m always there for them, if even a short phone call away. As a mother who works outside the home as well as inside it, I think the one thing that bothers me the most, outside of people asking my if I’m still working (as if it’s my hobby) is mothers who don’t work outside the home saying how busy they are. 1)I know they are busy…I did that wonderful job for seven years. 2) But try to add 40+ hours working in addition to that. It makes a person who works outside the home feel horribly LAME at being any good INSIDE the home when someone who gets to stay home says they can’t even keep their house clean. Did that make any sense? But again, like you, trying not to judge and usually always eating my words too!
October 16th, 2005 at 4:10 pm
I’ve been struggling with this lately as well. I get so angry when people act as though I’ve put no thought into my choices and then I rebel and get mouthy about other people’s choices. Not so good. But a great reminder that I am but a mere mortal!