The truth about truthfulness
What does your name mean? Mine means, Honest Truthful One. I think mostly I tend to live up to the meaning of my name, sometimes brutally so. But there are times that I shirk from the truth. There are times when it’s really hard to tell the truth. Especially when you know the truth will really hurt.
Maybe Honesty isn’t always the best policy. Is it better to destroy a relationship in the name of honesty or to preserve it in the name of… deceit? omission?
And while we’re talking about truthfulness, do you feel compelled to tell a person in a close relationship if you think they are doing something wrong or damaging? I think this is where it gets sticky. I think a good friend should be able to be honest with you without destroying the relationship. But I think that the risk a good friend takes is that just because they think you are doing something wrong, doesn’t mean that it’s actually wrong. And in that case, they damage or destroy the relationship and loose your trust.
What do you think?
(edit: Not to worry, nothing is going on, I’ve just been thinking about this for awhile.)
Category: daily 13 comments »
August 24th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
that’s a toughy…I know that a lot of times people don’t want to hear the truth and they will “shoot the messenger” when faced with it. But I would think…if you knew someone who was doing some serious damage to themselves you should tell them what you think no matter what the outcome will be. You know? If it’s dangerous to them then wouldn’t it be better if they were mad at you instead of dead? (I’m just using an extreme example here)
My name means “Warrior” Arrrrr…fear me.
August 24th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
I’m going to have to go with the truth thing. Real, honest relationships require honesty.
Plus, if it comes from you, it will probably be couched in the kindest terms. In any given situation, you are probably not the only one who notices the damage, but not everyone is capable of being compassionate.
August 24th, 2006 at 6:48 pm
I think it is always best to tell the truth the first time…even if it is hard to hear or swallow. The other person will eventually get over the initial hurt when they see the TRUTH of what you said. If you choose to hide the truth, it will eventually come around to bite you in the rear, and most likely cause even more damage to the relationship than the truth would have in the first place. The other thing to consider is… is your “truth” based on FACT or OPINION, that could also make a huge difference in the outcome.
August 24th, 2006 at 6:50 pm
I’m going with truth on this one. My DH was the ONLY one that didn’t know about his first wife’s affair… no one thought to tell him about it. One of my online momma forums has a mother that just found out her child has autism and everyone around her thought so but never said anything to her. Why? Be strong for your family and friends. Butt in. We’re such a hands off society when it comes to the destruction of our family and friends lives. Sad and my opinion.
August 24th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
I prefer honesty at all times from all people. Except around gift giving times. I tell my kids that if they don’t lie and sneak around present times, I get to tickle them ’till they squeak! Otherwise, complete honesty, and I try to model it myself, though sometimes even I will omit something or sidestep the subject. *blush* I never tell an untruth unless I absolutely cannot avoid it, however.
But back to the main topic, if a friend can’t take the revelation of an honest concern, presented in a kind yet truthful manner, then they aren’t really a friend, or they don’t know you as well as they should to be using the word “:friend”.
On another note, anyone who allows a relationship of any type to be destroyed because of one simple misunderstanding (unless presented in a vile manner – there are ALWAYS exceptions)- probably didn’t really care about the ralationship much in the first place.
August 24th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
Sometimes when someone is doing something wrong or damaging, they know it but are in denial. Like instant gratification. Feels good now so I’ll deal with what comes later. I think instead of approaching this as “what you are doing wrong,” try perhaps talking about the outcome. “If this continues, that is going to happen. Is it what you really want?”
Jessica and Anna both mean God’s Grace (I didn’t know that before I gave her her middle name). Kathryn means Pure.
August 24th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
I always tell the truth. My best girl Carole probably gets sick of me telling her what I really think!
August 24th, 2006 at 8:56 pm
I’m really upfront with my close friends, because I know I can be. Sometimes the truth hurts, and I’ve lost friendships over telling people what I *really* think. The ones that stick around after hearing your true feelings, though, are the keepers.
August 24th, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Mine means Honorable….. If you are a true friend to this person, then I would expect that they trust you and would want you to be honest with them. They trust that you will help them out and be there for them so why would they not want you to tell them the truth. Better to be honest and bring somthing to someone’s attention than to have them falter because you said nothing. I love the way you think and you are so considerate of how to say things … Me – I am blunt, no need to suger coat it for me… :) keep up the the insight and I love to read the comments…
August 25th, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Tough question. My mother in law recently told me two things about me, in the interest of honesty, that hurt me to the core and are irreparable. So, there’s that. We used to have a great, enviable relationship. Now, I have no respect for her and really just wish she lived in a different town so we wouldn’t have to see her so much.
August 25th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
It can be hard to tell the truth, especially to someone we love. I don’t think that you can have blanket rules as to wether it is always a good idea or not. I do think that more often than not, it is better to keep your mouth shut. I think that, in the words of Shakespeare, “descretion is the better part of valour”. More often than not, when I do decide to let someone know “the truth”, or my opinion of it, I invariably end up regretting it. I’ve learned that there are a lot of ways to look at a situation and sometimes I can be absolutly certain of something and still not be right. And even if I were right, it is still not usually a good idea to open my big fat mouth. :)
August 25th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Also, my name means Princess Grace.
August 30th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
ummmm mine means honest truthful one with an ‘e’ :)
It also means “all is one”. And yup, it’s what it says on my birth certificate.
Sorry about the late reply, I was on vacation and am now wading through the rss feeds.