so you got flamed, get over it.
I have recently decided to take a break from the forum that I post on. (Names have been changed to protect the…. whatever.) It’s funny how people I don’t even know have the power to hurt me! What kind of baby am I? That I get hurt by “words on a screen.”
It just makes me feel alone.
My mom always said that it seems like the one thing you truly want in life is the one thing that you never get. For me that one thing is a really, really good friend. I do have one good friend, but she has a very demanding job and a family and it is understandable that I am not #1 on her priority list. I just want someone who I can go to when I am sad or having a hard time. Someone who I can let know the deep secrets of my heart. While Jim is most of that to me, he is a boy and compassion is definetly not his strong suit.
I think that is why the girls on my forum have hurt me. I have always wanted a group of friends. I have always wanted to be the odd man in, not out.
When I was little and we first moved into our neighborhood, I rode my bike around asking all the girls my age if they would be my friend. I still vividly remember the girl at the end of the street telling me that she would think about it. The next day I rode over there to get her decision and the answer was no. That pretty much sums up the course of my friendships.
Last night I went with Jim the the church for P&W practice (I am singing Sunday) and as I sat there with the 3 other girls, I felt totally out of place. They were twittering among themsleves and I had nothing to say. I hate that I am unfriendly. But it’s not like I start out to be unfriendly, I just have nothing to say. I think I am shy-er than I think I am.
I hate having flash backs to my more awkward high school years. Always thinking, I want to be friends with them, but I don’t know how. I just don’t know how.
Wahh, Wahh. You’d think it was that time of the month or something!
Category: daily 4 comments »
May 15th, 2004 at 4:52 pm
Hey, I’m from the board. (ruggedchick) I just wanted to say that I can totally identify with the not having a real good friend thing. Seems like mine are always kind of fairweather friends, and I don’t have a significant other, so I am truly alone almost all the time! I also wanted to say..your story about when you were a little girl trying to make friends reminded me of when I was about 12 years old in Sunday School or Bible Class or whatever it was and one Sunday all the girls in my class told me that they had had a meeting and they had an “announcement” for me..I thought maybe I was being invited to a party or something..no, they wanted to tell me that they had made the decision that I was to be the “class dork” and that would be my title from then on and they were sorry, but there was nothing they could do about it. Nice! So anyway, just wanted to say “hey” and I read your post about taking a break from the board and I just wanted to say that I understand, but just so you know I always enjoyed your posts!
May 15th, 2004 at 7:02 pm
Hey, I saw a post of yours on glitter and decided to come here because your avatar looked so much like a friend of mine from way back, I knew it wasn’t her, but I checked anyway. Then I saw this post, and it surprised me, because it is just like something she would write. Actually it’s also something like I would write. I feel like that all the time! Like is it so hard to just find one girl who I can relate to? I wish the best for us both in finding her someday. btw, I like your site, especially the background, and your kids are adorable ;) Hope the mood lifts, it comes and goes for me.
May 18th, 2004 at 6:34 pm
I’m sitting here reading your site and how you feel about friends. Boy do you sound like me. I have always seen that you wanted a good friend, but never seemed to have one. I thought that was always strange since you are such a good friend to others. You are trustworthy–down right loyal, honest, generous and thoughtful. I hate to say but I think one reason for a lack of friends is that you don’t play games like so many girls do. So many females are fake and most like to be in control. Just like the little girl you asked to be your friend, You were too up front. If you would have made her work for it, “acted” like you didn’t care, didn’t really like her, then she would have been more interested. But, you offered her too much power, she seized it and thus no friendship. Of course had you tricked her into friendship most likely it would have been shallow and unfortunately you don’t enjoy shallow, just like me and so you are still waiting. I can say I have had only one truly close, tell-any-and-everything-to-friend, just one in my life time. I met her when I was about 27 years old. We are still friends. There is still time for you. The true friend is rare and so very precious. Hey, moms can make good friends!!!!!!!
March 10th, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I hope you feel like things are different now.
Because I love you, and I’m glad we’re friends.
I think it’s funny that both of us agree that we wouldn’t have picked the other, but here we are, after several years of friendship, getting stronger, walking through things together.
And I think it’s amazing that you stepped out of comfort and asked that girl to be your friend so long ago. Phooey to her is what I say! There are people who would wait in line to be your friend. You just picked your little self up and found a group of genuine friends who love you for who you are.
I’m proud of who you are/who you’re becoming.