Category: daily

on coming to terms with being loved

February 7th, 2013 — 4:14pm

It’s different the second time around. “I love you” carries with it more weight because I know exactly what it means to lose love. I know exactly what’s at stake this time because I once had (what I thought was) it all and lost it. I know that I can’t brush off certain things thinking love will conquer all because I’ve done this before and I know that little things viewed through the sparkly lens of love will turn into huge things once the sparkliness wears off. I know that sparkliness is special, but the real stuff is what happens when it wears off. That non-sparkly love is the love that’s weighty and real and lasts through all the hard and painful things that life brings. Knowing this is the advantage I didn’t have last time.

Last time I knew that I loved, I knew that I was doing what I wanted, but I didn’t know what life could bring. I didn’t really know what I was promising. I didn’t know how hard loving could be and I didn’t know that vows and a ring wouldn’t fill every hole in me. I also didn’t know what I deserved and that I had to fight to maintain my individuality… and in neglecting to do so, my inner strength went a little dormant. I didn’t know that love meant having my heart cared for… that love would seek the very best for me. I didn’t know that relationships were only healthy when the two people contributing to them were both whole and healthy. And that being in a healthy relationship meant that you didn’t lose who you were to maintain it. I didn’t know it then, but I’m discovering it now and it’s amazing.

Some days I have to fight against everything in my head that screams, “you’re going to be rejected!” because it’s so much easier to walk in what I’ve always known rather than believe it can be different. And some days I find myself staring in absolute shock because I really have never known what it was like to have someone care so deeply about what’s going on in my heart. It’s a lot to come to terms with. In the very best way.

There’s something very special about doing it the second time. There’s something special about having the wisdom to know what’s a big deal and what isn’t. And there is something special about second chances. I lived so long believing that the life I was living was exactly what I deserved and now I know that I’m finally getting what I truly deserve. Redemption is the very best part of living through something awful. The hope of redemption, THIS, is exactly what got me through.

Now my prayers look more like this: Thank you for knowing that I shouldn’t have what I begged so desperately for. Thank you for having a better plan in mind. Thank you for this, wherever it goes. It’s amazing.

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21 day challenge

January 7th, 2013 — 8:18pm

Edit 11/14: Here’s a pinterest board I started with recipe ideas. Some of the recipes need to be tweaked to fit within the challenge guidelines, but they are good ideas!


Back in November I participated in a mandatory 21 day challenge along with all of the other ladies my trainer trains. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the challenge because it meant giving up half and half in my coffee and diet coke. But once I signed the contract, I was COMMITTED. In fact, there were several times that I was peer-pressured to have a beer or some other treat and when I referred back to the fact that I had signed a contract, my friends gave me quite the hard time. That was until I started losing weight. In those three weeks I lost 7lbs, 2% body fat and about 1.5″. I ended up winning the challenge, losing the most percentage of weight out of all of the other participants which landed me a free month of training, just in time for the holidays.

So many people were so impressed by my results that I agreed to do the challenge again with them in January. We started today and I wanted to give a little bit more information for those who might want to join us.

The 21 day challenge is about clean eating, low fats and no sugar. Clean eating is basically eating only whole foods, nothing processed. On the challenge we also cut out high fats, so no high fat cheeses, butter or cream. The only oil you can use is olive. Also no sugars or artificial sweeteners except Stevia and Splenda. I don’t like Splenda because it really bothers my stomach, also I feel that it’s too processed so I don’t use it. No fruit juices, no simple carbohydrates like white breads or crackers, no chips unless they are baked and have simple ingredients like corn and oil, etc. Also, high starch foods like white potatoes should be limited. High quality granola is definitely a whole food, but because it’s sweetened, it should be avoided too. No bottled salad dressings. Homemade vinegrette would be great or oil and vinegar if you’re out.

What you can eat:

Any vegetable you can imagine including avocados which are good fats.
Any fruit: I like to eat dried fruits when I’m craving sweets.
Whole grains: So 100% whole wheat breads, just make sure they aren’t sweetened with high fructose corn syrup. Brown rice, whole oats and corn is a whole grain so you can have corn tortillas and baked Tostitos. Triscuits are a great cracker with only 3 ingredients if you eat wheat. Any other whole grain like barley, quinoa, millet, etc.
Lean dairy: Greek yogurt is your friend! Fage 2% plain yogurt only has 150 calories and 20 grams of protein. When I eat Greek yogurt for breakfast, I don’t crave carbs for the rest of the day… it’s amazing. Low-fat cheeses like motzarella and queso fresco. Low-fat milk, cottage and ricotta cheeses.
Lean meats: I’ve found that if I load up on protein, I can totally do this diet. Grilled chicken breasts, lean pork, ground turkey even lean ground beef. And lots of fish steamed, baked or grilled.
Nuts: Nuts are pretty high in calories so it’s not the best idea to eat tons and tons of them. But a handful of nuts with some dried fruit is a great snack in the middle of the day. You can also eat natural peanut butter. Natural as in no added sugars or oils. I’m not a huge fan of natural peanut butter so I opt for almond butter which is amazing with apples.

What I eat:
*Lots of veggies and hummus.
*baked tortilla chips and salsa. Vitamin Cottage has this amazing black been dip that’s by the hummus that’s low cal and great with baked tortilla chips. I treated myself a couple of times to baked potato chips too. I just made sure and get the plain chips rather than something flavored.
*Brown rice cakes (Lundberg brand) and almond butter or melted queso fresco.
*Dried fruit and nuts.
*brown rice crackers and queso fresco or almond butter or with lunch meat.
*plain Greek yogurt (I don’t mind plain, but it’s pretty good with some frozen berries mixed in.)
*Spinach shakes: spinach, Greek yogurt, berries, frozen banana.
*Grilled chicken or fish or pork tenderloin with lots of veggies on the side. Braised greens like collards or chard are amazing!
*Baked sweet potato fries. Peel, slice, brush with olive oil and bake until tender and a little crispy. These are great with a whole-grain mustard.
*Lots of tacos. Fish tacos, lean beef tacos, breakfast tacos. Whenever I go out to eat, I try to eat places like Cafe Rio or Chipotle where I can choose what’s on my food. If you skip the cheese and sour cream and make sure you get un-fried corn tortillas, tacos are a great choice. Also the pork tacos at Bin 707 are delish if you find yourself there.
*Burgers without the bun. Because I try to eat gluten-free, this is something I do anyway. But when you’re at a restaurant and faced with another boring grilled chicken salad, a bun-less burger is a great option. (Of course if they had 100% whole wheat buns, that would fit in the challenge.) Just make sure to avoid high-fat toppings like bacon, mayo or cheese. Instead of fries for your side, try a side salad with oil and vinegar or cottage cheese or fruit.
*Club soda when I crave Diet Coke. Or unsweetened iced tea helps sometimes too.
*Fruit: Apples with almond butter. Dried mangos, dried bananas, dried apples. Clementines.
*Frozen banana shakes – just a frozen banana, low-fat milk or almond milk, handful of berries, blend. It’s the consistency of ice cream.
*Popcorn popped with a little bit of olive oil and kosher salt. I have a Stir-Crazy popcorn maker which makes the very best popped corn.
*Chili. This is a good option if you find yourself at a restaurant without many choices. I love to make it with lean ground beef (turkey would be great too), rotel tomatoes, lots of beans, bell peppers, onions, corn and lots of spices.
*Eggs. Hard-boiled, fried with a tiny bit of olive oil, scrambled and folded up in a corn tortilla with some queso fresco and green chiles for breakfast tacos.

If you decide to do the challenge, make sure you weigh yourself before you start! I think you’ll be surprised at what happens! I sure was!

4 comments » | daily

pics from the last week or two

January 3rd, 2013 — 1:18pm

Watchin the parade of lights from the top of tangle. Missing @carringtonschaeffer with @joshhudnall and @abigailfeld
watching the parade of lights from the top of Tangle

View from the top
bird’s eye view of Tangle

Successfully parallel-working with @joshhudnall

There's a great article about Tangle in the Winter issue of CMU's magazine, Horizon.
article about Tangle in the University magazine


Yesterday's breakfast #lois' #hipsterhangout #baaaaacon
Josh and I are getting obsessed with going to Lois’ for breakfast.

A chevron Christmas stocking. It's ok if you wanna bask in my knitting glory. #genius
progress of my Christmas stocking.

Me=winning. #coffeewars @joshhudnall
maybe I’m getting someone addicted to coffee…

The best part of eating at Pufferbelly is when the train goes by...that and the bacon.
eating at Pufferbelly as the train goes by. Maybe this obsession with breakfast places has something to do with bacon being my second favorite food…

Dexter thought he would be warm inside of @joshhudnall's hoodie.
Dexter snuggled himself up in Josh’s hoodie.

Gettin ready to run the Good Samaritan Clinic tomorrow.
getting set up for the Clinic

Busy, busy day. 41 patients. #goodsamaritanclinic
We ended up seeing a record 43 patients that day.

Chiopino mmmmm
Chiopino at Bin 707…amazing…

I mean, bacon is my second favorite food but this might be a little too much...

So proud of Scotty. Can't believe what people sacrifice to keep us safe.
my cousin’s husband got to come home for the first time since June.

Monument Presbyterian is the sweetest church. We were so honored to talk about the clinic with them.
This church took their Christmas Eve offering for the clinic. Brian and I were so honored to get to share with them during their Sunday morning service. It was one of the sweetest churches I’ve been to.

Don’t be fooled by his sweet face, he will pee on your floor given the chance.

Me and baby cal
me and baby Cal

I can’t tell you how much I LOVE the snow. It dumped on both Christmas and New Years Eve.


Eden and her coach
Eden hanging out with her Basketball coach.

Fixin a light
Josh wired a chandelier for me that I had gotten at a yard sale a few years ago. The kids found it very fascinating.

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The clinic video

December 3rd, 2012 — 8:41am

My terribly talented friend, Seth, made this amazing video for the Good Samaritan Clinic. Enjoy!

1 comment » | daily

pics from the last week or two (or three or four)

November 29th, 2012 — 1:49pm

Dogs like pumpkin muffins too. #punkin
Dexter with his buddy, Memphis

Sweet Lisa @mooreminutes
flowers from Lisa. She’s so thoughtful.

I showed him a picture of a cow and he said "moo"
Gunnison being so cute

Boys and their toys #gianthelicopter
These boys nerding-out over their new helicopter.

Some weeks it feels like I live in this shirt.

A hound dog and a grasshopper
her legs are SO long

Slopeside lodge looking up.
Ceiling at the Slopeside Lodge at Powerderhorn Ski Resort. We got to stay a couple days up there while Seth filmed a promotional video for the lodge. It was really rough.


Bed head
woke up looking like this

There's a wienie dog under there. #19degrees
dexter snuggled in

Green & black

Something about the phone book makes it all the more real.

Baby Cal is already convinced that I'm his favorite.
Amy had baby #3!

Eden is the best babysitter
Eden is the best babysitter

Nothing like ending the of crafting with another craft project.

The clinic elves have been busy. #thistimesforty
late night making donation boxes for the clinic

Main Street is all twinkly.
Main Street all twinkly

So excited that we get to carry Light Gives Heat jewelry and bags at Tangle.
Excited to carry LGH at Tangle

Thanksgiving Eve Lego-a-thon @joshhudnall
Josh playing legos with the children

According to the children, this is a love couch. #newfurniture
new loveseat that matches my couch perfectly

Thanksgiving eve dinner with @carringtonschaeffer @hoptocopter @joshhudnall and the children
Bin makes the best Chai Lattes (along with everything else… my fav)

Honor learned to tie flies
Honor is learning to tie flies.

Screech owl just hangin out
This little guy was just hanging out on Main Street the other day.

Just hand painting a logo on some windows. #adayinthelife
I hand painted the windows for the church’s new coffee shop.

First coat done

1 comment » | daily, photos

On getting my way

November 1st, 2012 — 2:27pm

In the day-to-day, I sometimes forget where and what I’ve come from. But I’m often reminded, especially when a friend holds a mirror up to my face and says, “Gosh, remember when…?” Carrie and I were just marveling the other night at what amazing change has been brought about in my life. I started telling her about a realization I had last week. I was talking to God about something that I think I really want and it seems like I’m not going to get it and I don’t understand why. And I just feel like God said to me, “Remember the last time you didn’t get what you wanted? Remember how many times you’ve thanked me that I didn’t give you what you wanted?”


These lessons of trust are continuous and God continues to show me just how he has me in his hands. Things seem like they are going to be one way for a long time and then they go and change almost instantly. Sometimes I look at my life in awe… awe at what it’s become and who I’ve become. Awe at how tightly God is holding me and how safe I really am. I’m learning to draw lines in the sand with myself… to force forward movement when really all I want to do is wallow. And I’m learning to love this form of limbo… not knowing really where I’m going or what life will look like 6 months from now. But knowing that it will be good and that this is a really special time of life… one that is making me… well, more and more ME. Rickelle said to me the other day that I keep waiting to get THERE but what I don’t realize is that I AM there. That NOW is the time that I’ve been longing and waiting for. NOW is what God has been forming me for. So I’m working hard to enjoy it in all of it’s unknown-ness and awkwardness. This is special and I remind myself often that I will never have this time of my life again.

1 comment » | daily


August 14th, 2012 — 3:39pm

Summer comes to an end this week. The kids head back to school on Monday and with their departure, the routine returns. I’m never really sad to see summer go because I’m such a fall girl. And even though this summer has been the very best of my life, I’m still ready for what’s next. I’ve never been one to hang onto what was… there’s something about the unknown of the future that always has me hungry for what it will bring.

Fall will bring new things, some foreseen and some unknown. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me, but this summer brought about a change in the way I work on things. I think I’ve learned to divert energy in ways I never have before. And I’ve learned, as I have many times before, that I can accomplish huge things if I just tell myself I can.

Fall will bring boots and scarves and hot americanos, campfires and soup and leaves (oh, how I love the leaves.) Fall is a time to slow down and settle in, but it’s also such a great time to gather together. If summer is about playing, fall will be about bonding. I’ll turn 31 (which may be the first birthday I’m dreading just a little) and I’ll see the 1 year anniversary of my divorce. Gosh what LIFE I’ve lived since that day last October! Honor will turn 9 and we will have pumpkin carving parties and costumes and pie (oh, glorious pie!). I’ll run in the rain and bake acorn squash, watch broncos games and knit sweaters for all the kids in my life.

The seasons are about to change and I’m ready. I think there are special things in store for me this fall and even though the summer healed me in ways unexplainable, my soul is just ready for fall.

1 comment » | daily

Ruedi Reservoir

July 17th, 2012 — 2:54pm

Last weekend, we packed up the car and took off to the mountains to camp with the our neighbors and their family. As long as I’ve lived in Colorado, I’ve never ventured above Basalt so it was a great adventure. We camped above Ruedi Reservoir which feeds into the lower Frying Pan River (can I just say that I think fly fishermen are SO hot?). Gosh was it beautiful up there.

Ruedi reservoir in the rain <3

Reudi reservoir - so gorgeous

This little guy didn’t let his mom sleep, so after he caught up on his sleep, she got to take a long nap while we played with him in the screen tent.
Flying Gunni

Little camper

The best teether

Silly boy

Roasting shmallows over a grill
Because there is a strict fire ban in Colorado, we had to roast our marshmallows over the gas grill… whatever gets the job done.

The children learned to paddle
We took the kids to the reservoir and threw them in the Ducky so they could figure out how to paddle. They did great and there was only one small injury involving a kid getting hit in the head with a paddle.

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kid float

July 9th, 2012 — 10:14am

One of the things the kids requested to do this summer was float on Caleb and Rickelle’s raft. C & R had been wanting to see how Gunnison would do on the raft so we planned a little town float experiment with all the kiddos.

It went amazing! Gunnison had so much fun throwing rocks into the river and he even took a nap! I can’t believe the kid will be 1 year old in 1 month!

My kids did great too, jumping in and out of the river, learning to row and eating tons and tons of snacks. We definitely want to do another kid float before the river dries up too much (rain, please come!).

Kid float

Kid float

Kid float

Kid float

Kid float

Kid float

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pics from the last week or two

June 12th, 2012 — 9:36am

(as always, these pics are taken with my iPhone 4s.)

Amy is an interior designer and she was working out of Tangle the other day. (so fun)

Family meeting
The first day of Summer Break we had a little family meeting and talked about what it means to live in a family – how we treat each other, the responsibilities to living in a family, etc. And we all signed a contract to that effect.

Family meeting


I liked this little guy.

Little chickens
On the patio at Pablos. (love Main Street evenings in the summer.)

Eden kept her room “mommy clean” for 30 days so after writing a 3 page research paper on Garter Snakes, Lightning came to live with us.

You know, just a regular Sunday afternoon on the back patio…

Wheat fields
Western Colorado wheat fields

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