Sometimes I am amazed when I pause for a minute to look back at where I’ve come from. I lost so very much when my first marriage fell apart but every single bit has been redeemed and is now better than it was before. Today we bought the mid century house that we’ve been living in for the last two years and we couldn’t be happier. Life is good.

  
I’m so excited to have this up on the wall in our dining room! It’s 6ft tall and just perfect. Josh built the frame and stretched the canvas (while I watched!). It’s just perfect. 

I handed over the keys to our little yellow house last month, and with one last look, I stepped out the back door for the last time, walked down the path for the last last time and closed the back gate into the alley, for the last time. Moving has been such a process for me. Both literally and figuratively. I don’t know how many trips back and forth it’s taken to clear 13 years worth of stuff out of that house. I also don’t know how many days of processing it’s taken and will take.

That house saw me live, die, and come back to life again.

My husband left me in that house.

I met Josh in that house.

I celebrated nearly everyone I love in that house in one way or another. My babies came home from the hospital to that house.

Even though I never really loved the layout of that house, every single square inch of it exuded my personality. It was also falling apart.

I walked out that back door, slightly wistful, but also so relieved. I didn’t have energy for that house anymore. And I know, so deep in my bones, that it’s time for a new start. I’m so excited to get to start my new marriage with a fresh canvas in a great house, on my favorite Main Street.

Life is not what I thought it would be. But it’s hard and good. Bitter and sweet. And I’m looking forward, not back.

In a couple of weeks, my new little family is embarking on a new adventure. We’re going to be packing up our little house and moving a few blocks down the road to Main Street (just up the road from Tangle). I’m equal parts sad and happy. We’ve lived in this house for 13 years. This is where I brought my babies home from the hospital. And I’m not quite ready for this next step in life. Needing to move is (hopefully) one of the last consequences of my divorce that I’m going to have to pay. Also, I have 13 years of stuff in this house to pack.

I’m excited because I think it will be good for Josh and I to start our marriage in a new place, one that’s equally both of ours. We will also be gaining an extra bedroom, a family room and a second bathroom… I’m not quite sure how to even process what it means to have two bathrooms… so amazing. It’ll be really fun to set up a new house, making the things we have seem new again in new spaces, setting up wedding gifts that are still in boxes because it seemed silly to unpack them only to pack them again.

I think it’ll take months for me to fully process all the changes that have/will happen this summer. We’re married. I don’t work for the clinic anymore (budget cuts). And soon we will move. It’s a lot of changes for all of us and I think that Josh described it right in saying it feels a little fragile.

I’ve been living years of instability, feeling like I can’t quite get solid footing. Not always knowing how I would pay my bills and before that not ever knowing if my husband would leave me or not. It’s been a long, stretched-out haul but I’m glad to see the next season beginning. My word for this next season of my life is STABILITY. Josh and I are both committed to making our new life as stable as possible. I think we’re both excited to settle into a new house and a new life and just coast for awhile with no weddings to plan, no houses to move.

I’m learning what I’m always learning: trust. I’m learning to fight through the fear and just rest in the fact that God has always taken care of me. I’m remembering that I don’t have to know what the future looks like to have peace and that even if things look differently than I’ve expected, that doesn’t mean that they won’t be good. I’m saying goodbye to one life so I can start another one and I’m letting myself mourn but not get too caught up in the sorrow of it. I’m looking ahead and choosing to fill myself with hope and excitement for what’s next. I’m not totally sure what that will look like, but I’m choosing to believe that it will be good, because I know that God always gives me what’s good.

I say, “I wanna do a project today!” and he obliges! I’m spoiled.

Cedar fencing + white and gold spray paint = new headboard

My friend Brian needed a place to store his super-nice, king sized mattress so I took one for the team and agreed to let him store it in my room. We drove all over town one night and gathered up the coolest looking pallets to make a platform bed. I had to sacrifice my dresser but let me tell you… this bed is WORTH IT.

Here’s the new configuration of my room. I still need to make a bigger quilt but for now it works.

dresser became baskets

Tomatoes, lettuce, peppers and green beans. And lots and lots of baby elms…sigh

Honor turned 8 yesterday. We celebrated with Jim at Sonic and Red Mango which Honor was VERY excited about. I decided at the last minute to re-do his room for his birthday. I did Eden’s for her 8th birthday and his room was really disgusting so it needed it. Plus it was time to go with something more boyish. The last time the room had been decorated was 10 years ago when I was pregnant with Eden.

I spent the entire day painting yesterday and loaded everything back into the room today. Honor hasn’t seen it yet, but I think he will really like it. The walls still need some art – Honor plans to draw me some monsters that I can paint on the wall (or maybe a canvas). I want to add more orange in too.

My Uncle painted this in 1977.

The duvet is from Ikea as well as the dog tail hook and alarm clock. The skull rug & pillow, black sheets, black blanket, rugs and wall hook unit with the pencil cups are from Target (most everything was on clearance). The little table and chairs set was mine when I was a kid and the dresser we had custom made for Eden – it’s in need of some repair.

Total cost including paint for the walls and floor: $175.00

A couple of weeks ago I picked all of my peas – this years harvest totaled two quarts of shelled peas. They were delicious. Not near enough to freeze, as I had hoped, but still super delicious and fun to grow. I’ve got 4 tomato plants waiting to plant and I should get a few more things in the ground, I’ve just been really busy. Being a member of the community garden is nice because I don’t have to rely on my little plot to keep us in veggies for the summer/canning.

I also have some perennial herbs along the side of the yard, lavendar, sage, oregano, rosemary and mint. They are all doing well and I plan to just let them take over that area. mmm.