In a couple of weeks, my new little family is embarking on a new adventure. We’re going to be packing up our little house and moving a few blocks down the road to Main Street (just up the road from Tangle). I’m equal parts sad and happy. We’ve lived in this house for 13 years. This is where I brought my babies home from the hospital. And I’m not quite ready for this next step in life. Needing to move is (hopefully) one of the last consequences of my divorce that I’m going to have to pay. Also, I have 13 years of stuff in this house to pack.
I’m excited because I think it will be good for Josh and I to start our marriage in a new place, one that’s equally both of ours. We will also be gaining an extra bedroom, a family room and a second bathroom… I’m not quite sure how to even process what it means to have two bathrooms… so amazing. It’ll be really fun to set up a new house, making the things we have seem new again in new spaces, setting up wedding gifts that are still in boxes because it seemed silly to unpack them only to pack them again.
I think it’ll take months for me to fully process all the changes that have/will happen this summer. We’re married. I don’t work for the clinic anymore (budget cuts). And soon we will move. It’s a lot of changes for all of us and I think that Josh described it right in saying it feels a little fragile.
I’ve been living years of instability, feeling like I can’t quite get solid footing. Not always knowing how I would pay my bills and before that not ever knowing if my husband would leave me or not. It’s been a long, stretched-out haul but I’m glad to see the next season beginning. My word for this next season of my life is STABILITY. Josh and I are both committed to making our new life as stable as possible. I think we’re both excited to settle into a new house and a new life and just coast for awhile with no weddings to plan, no houses to move.
I’m learning what I’m always learning: trust. I’m learning to fight through the fear and just rest in the fact that God has always taken care of me. I’m remembering that I don’t have to know what the future looks like to have peace and that even if things look differently than I’ve expected, that doesn’t mean that they won’t be good. I’m saying goodbye to one life so I can start another one and I’m letting myself mourn but not get too caught up in the sorrow of it. I’m looking ahead and choosing to fill myself with hope and excitement for what’s next. I’m not totally sure what that will look like, but I’m choosing to believe that it will be good, because I know that God always gives me what’s good.