Category: Kids

Last day of school

May 24th, 2018 — 1:31pm

ACS_0098 ACS_0097

Last day of 8th and 10th grades. Last day of driving my kids to school, possibly forever. Eden will have her license soon and next school year she can transport both herself and her brother to school. They’ll be back together, going to the same school again. Once she’s graduated, he will have his license… so that’s that, really.

Parenthood means that we are SO in a life phase and then suddenly we aren’t and we just go speeding right on to the next thing. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

When you’re in the middle of raising teeny tinies it is so frustrating for someone to tell you “cherish every minute because it goes so fast” and you’ve literally looked at the clock thirteen times in the last 30 minutes and the hand hasn’t moved and it must be broken. But then suddenly they really aren’t teeny tinies any more and you’ve traded them in for the next model and you don’t even know when or how that happened. And it really does go fast. In the macro view of it all, it blazes by.

So today I dropped off my kids for the last time and they headed into school and it was just any other morning. And next year, everything will be different. And life will be easier in some ways but we will start to miss all of those trips across the valley and allll of the driving and all of that time we had them, our captive audiences. And then suddenly things will be different again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

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Net Neutrality

December 14th, 2017 — 10:19am

Both of the children texted Josh and I today worrying about Net Neutrality. They both also have Net Neutrality written on their Christmas lists (really). I can’t say it better than Honor, who is 14, so I’ll leave you with his words:

“Net neutrality is gone, this is a very scary reminder of the state of our country, something that will affect (almost) every single person in America negatively was passed without anyone wanting it. The only people this benefits are pre-existing internet service providers, things like Verizon, AT&T, and Comcast. (FREAKING COMCAST) This is a very big issue that we need to fix. Please inform yourselves and use common sense, it’s really not that hard.”

1 comment » | Honor


September 26th, 2017 — 10:33am

This is why I believe in public school: tonight we got to watch all of the musical kids at Palisade High School perform, all the bands and orchestras and choirs. Eden sang in two of the choirs and we marveled at the way her confidence to perform has changed over these last few years.

The night ended with the marching band filing into the auditorium, lining the room, and filling it with so much sound that you could feel it in your chest. As those kids marched in, joy exuding from them because of the music they were making, I teared up a little. I always tear up at my kids’ concerts, in rooms full of music that they are making. I can’t help but be eternally thankful for the opportunities that they have been given because of public school and I love to watch how it continues to make them grow.

Tonight I’ve been thinking about the opportunities that ALL kids get because of public school. Rich and poor alike they get the chance to make something beautiful, to learn to be on a team, to be a part of something bigger than themselves. They get the chance to fill school auditoriums, and football fields, with beauty that they make, together. And that is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids, ALL of our kids.

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September 24th, 2017 — 10:41am

You guys, I can’t even. I can’t believe I made this child.

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September 27th, 2016 — 6:23am

I went to private Christian schools until I was in high school so every time I watch my children perform at one of their school musical concerts I’m struck with overwhelming thankfulness for the opportunities they have. It’s startling to me how well-rounded the education they are receiving is compared to the one I received.

While many people complain that we have terrible schools*, I am continually grateful for the schools my kids get to attend. I marvel at the work that middle school music teachers undertake. Many kids don’t get introduced to music until 6th grade and it makes me teary eyed to see how far these kiddos come and learn in their first year of middle school. I always feel so lucky and so, very thankful when I watch them perform. I can see on their faces the pride they take in what they’ve learned. These teachers are nothing short of miracle workers.

So let me extend this, my heartfelt gratitude, to each of you out there who give your lives to our children. You are heroes.

*While I think we have wonderful teachers (and therefore schools) here in d51, I do agree that something has to be done about our buildings, which are crumbling. We are one of the least funded districts in the state and that has to change. Our teachers, and kids, deserve better.


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believing what is true

February 25th, 2015 — 1:31pm

Last night I spent over an hour with Honor reminding him of who he really is. That he is smart and kind and sweet and brave and good at math and reading and computers. He’s been believing the lies that the kids in his class are telling him: that he’s stupid, that he’s a “book worm” (apparently a high insult), that he’s not athletic. Aside from the mama-bear rage that this incites in me, I also feel guilt.

I’m telling Honor all of these things that I know are true about him, telling him over and over again to believe the truth about himself, not the lies other people tell, and I worry that he got this propensity from me. I had to laugh at the irony of ME telling this to anyone. Last time I saw my therapist he asked me, “When are you going to start believing that you’re a really cool person?”

I think Honor and I both get caught up in the fact that, yes, people are actually communicating things that are not true to us: That we are unimportant or stupid, unloved or un-liked, that we are not worth someone’s time, love or attention. I think I needed someone to acknowledge to me, YES, this is actually what someone is saying to you with their actions. Yes, Honor, they are telling you lies. Yes, it’s actually happening, it’s not all in your head. You are validated.

I told Honor last night that when someone tells him that he’s bad at math that that’s actually pretty funny because he isn’t bad at math, we’ve got the test scores to prove it. I asked him what he would think if someone told me I was bad at knitting. That’s pretty ridiculous, I’m not, I’ve got the sweaters to prove it. I wanted to normalize to him that people can say things that we don’t have to believe.

I think I have some pretty deep and valid abandonment issues so my default is to always believe that I’m unimportant, unloved, alone. All I want so deeply is to be considered. I’ve come to see that my problem is that I only believe the truth about myself when someone is telling me that I’m important, loved, surrounded.

I need to believe those things are true.
Even when someone is telling me that they’re not.

It’s hard to be 11 and on your way to middle school where the kids are only going to get meaner. (It’s hard to be 33, too.) I want so badly to instill these concepts into Honor now, to give him an inner peace that will get him through anything. I don’t want him to have to be learning these lessons in adulthood when he has 30 years of baggage and lies to wade through. I hope, hope, hope that undoing 33 years of lies I’ve so willingly swallowed will give me the wisdom to help Honor learn to believe what is true about himself.

When am I going to start believing that I’m a really cool person? I think now sounds good.

1 comment » | heart, Honor, ouch


February 12th, 2015 — 2:39pm


Dear Eden,
Today you are 13 years old. This is weird. I think over the last year you’ve made it pretty clear to us that you are no longer a kid anymore. You keep reminding us, pushing for more freedom, having very strong opinions of your own, dying your hair in rainbow shades. Your brother is still a kid and you are not and that’s a strange transition for us to make. I always say that I trade you guys in for the next model every so often and you are definitely the next, teenaged model.

I’m pretty proud of the way you’re stretching your wings though. I like that you just want to explore the world around you. I was shocked the other day when you wanted to walk to Dairy Queen by yourself after school, but I think it’s really brave. You are really brave. I’m also proud of what a hard worker you are. I’ve been so impressed with the way you’ve learned the guitar basically all by yourself. I never had that kind of motivation and follow-through when I was 13. Josh says all the time how much smarter you are than he was at 13.

Probably my favorite thing about you is how thoughtful you are. I know you always notice if someone is sad and you are the first to defend your brother when he’s getting in trouble. I think it’s pretty amazing that you think about your parent’s happiness and how you effect that. I love that you care so much about social injustice.

You’re pretty cool, Eden. And I’m glad that you’re mine.

Love, Mom

1 comment » | Eden, Kids

Hashtag Mama Bear

February 10th, 2015 — 9:28pm

Today Honor told me that he wishes he could be in middle school now so he wouldn’t have to go back to his school. Apparently some of the kids have started a rumor that Honor is paying someone to have sex with him. He’s 11.

He doesn’t know who started the rumor but his classmates keep coming up to him asking him how much he’s paying.

Kids can be such dicks.

1 comment » | Honor, Kids, ouch

By Eden, age 11

January 28th, 2014 — 9:09pm

A is for Art
Remember those days of colors?
B is for Bike
Think of the wind on your face.
C is for Cat
Sugar would shed all over the place.
D is for Dawn
when we were awake.
E is for Everything
that was put up to stake.
F is for Fun
days that we had.
G is for Great
just like our dad.
H is for Home
even if it is lost.
I is for Impossible
the amount of our cost.
J is for Jumping
on the old pogo stick.
K is for Kicked
a humorous trick.
L is for Love
that filled our hearts.
M is for More
ice cream from karts.
N is for No
you can’t have my toys.
O is for Opening
cabinets with noise.
P is for Pill
I don’t know how Honor does it.
Q is for Quake
as we slam the door of a closet.
R is for Racing
down the old street.
S is for Special
yes, you. You and me.
T is for Trouble
remember that corner?
U is for Unicorn
you guys made me think it was a goner.
V is for Vacation
think of our summer.
W is for Wonder
of neighborhood new comers.
X is for marking the the spot
with the old house’s treasure.
Y is for Yes
for worse or for better
And Z is for Zipping
up those old winter coats, as we stare at the snow and dream of good days and warm hot cocoa.

And now we are finished.
There’s no more to tell,
so don’t ask me of things
that already fell.
We are broken.
We are sad.
But we can make happiness last
because we’ll remember the story of our overturned past.

1 comment » | Eden, heart, Kids

Career Day

April 19th, 2012 — 2:15pm

Career day
Honor wants to be an aquarist (aka a fishkeeper).

Career day
Eden wants to be a veterinarian.

College fund, let’s be friends…

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