Jim’s oldest sister called today to tell us that their middle sister had a baby early this morning. We didn’t even know that she was pregnant. Without going into details, I’ll just say that she and Jim had a falling out right after Honor was born. It was the one and only time that she’s even seen him. Since then it’s caused the whole family to feel caught in the middle. They have been forced to choose sides, more often than not, it hasn’t been Jim’s side. (I don’t totally KNOW why, but I guess that they’ve been put in an impossible situation and maybe they know that Jim can take it? Because he can. I can’t, but he can.)

I’m writing today because my heart is broken. I’ve got two nephews that I’m just in love with that I never see and may never again see. I’ve now got a little niece that I will probably never know. My kids will never have the joy of growing up with their cousins. They will never know their aunt, who despite her problems, is such a cool person. It just kills me that our nephews probably don’t even remember us anymore. We couldn’t even send them a birthday present because no one would tell us where they were.

Today, that should be so full of joy over the start of a new life, is filled with so much sorrow and heart ache. It just really really hurts. Life just isn’t worth holding grudges. It’s not worth all this pain. It’s not worth our kids missing out on vital relationships.

I just want to say, wherever you are, we love you. We’ve always loved you and all we’ve ever wanted for you is happiness. If us not being in your life, means your happiness, then we’re willing to deal with that. But I just want you to know that we still care so very much. And that we care so very much about your children. It is my deepest hope that someday there can be healing in your relationship with your brother.

Yesterday the kids and I went to the lake with my mom and sister. I love going to the lake. I always forget how much I like swimming. I really really like to swim. Why, oh why, don’t we live in a place that having a swimming pool in our back yard is common place?

So we were at the lake and I discovered a frog. Well a toad really, but yeah… I’m not going to even bother to try to explain to the kids that there are toads and there are frogs. So this toad is a frog. So the frog. Eden insisted that I catch and hold the frog, but she wouldn’t touch him. Honor on the other hand was SO extremely excited to see the frog. “Frog! Frog! Frog!” He followed the frog all over the place. Each and every time the frog jumped right before Honor stepped on it.

As Honor put the frogs life in danger with every step, Eden observed, “The frog doesn’t say ribbit?” When Eden was first born, I had no idea how we were going to teach her all that she’d need to know. How was she going to know what a joke was? How was she going to learn how to communicate? How in the world would I explain every single aspect of life to her? I’m constantly amazed that she just learned all these things all by herself. Three years ago, she couldn’t do a single thing for herself and now she uses words like, “awful” and does things like climbing into the bathroom sink to wash her feet.

When we got home from the lake, Eden explained to her daddy that frogs don’t always say “ribbit.” And Honor came in to tell daddy what he did, “Sim, Sim, Sim!” Eden got two suckers because she dunked in the lake two times and Honor only got one because he only dunked once (not counting the time he tripped and was floating face first – don’t worry we were right there.) Eden’s already talking about when we can go to the lake again and occasionally Honor will throw in,
“Lake, Lake, Lake!”