I can’t count anymore how many people I know who are divorcing, have divorced or are experiencing marital difficulties. I hear about a new couple breaking up weekly. Frankly, I’m not sure if my heart can break anymore. I can’t stop thinking about the husbands who have betrayed their wives, the wives who have betrayed their husbands, the parents who have betrayed their children. I feel a little betrayed myself. Neither Jim nor I have parental examples to look to so I find myself looking to others I respect to see how a marriage should work. Who are we supposed to look to anymore?

Mark Driscoll talks about how a lot of Christians stay far away from sin because they don’t want to become sucked into it. But it’s the people who are right up in sin’s face that know exactly why they would never want to participate. He talks about living in a neighborhood with drug dealers and users, watching them throw their lives in the toilet and knowing that he never wanted that for his life.

I’ve experienced adultery in every aspect of my life except my own marriage. I’ve seen the destruction infidelity brings close up and I want nothing to do with it. Sometimes being married is not all peaches and cream, sometimes I am attracted to other people, sometimes I am certain that my life is not what I want. But I know for certain that a moment of pleasure is not worth the end of my life as I know it now. I know that the covenant that I made with my husband and the promise that I’ve made to my children is WAY, WAY more important than ANYTHING else in my life. I know that acting on my emotions is the most unwise thing I could do. I’ve gotten right in the face of it and I KNOW that I couldn’t and won’t willingly break the people I love.

What more can I say? I just send my plea out into the cosmos, to all the people who are married: I beg you, please, stay faithful to your family. Even if you don’t have kids, your life effects EVERYONE. Your choices effect everyone. Please prove to the world that selflessness is still possible, that promises still mean something, that pleasure is not our number one goal. Please.

•I have a sore throat and I’m realizing that I don’t chew my food up good enough.

•Honor turns 4 on Friday. Do you think Friday morning he will suddenly transform into a manageable boy? (I can hope right?)

•It’s coldish here today. I’m reveling in it.

•Over the weekend I decided that I didn’t want to do any cleaning and instead decided to watch reruns of Americas Next Top Model. Now the house is trashed and I find myself working on my runway walk when I’m all alone.

•Dried bananas look yucky but they are so yummy!

•Now that Tuck is the only puppy in the backyard, we’ve been trying to keep him cheered up. On walks we’ve been channeling our inner dog whisperer and tonight we’re going to try to take him running. I foresee a disaster involving two small children on bikes and one clumsy puppy. At least all the passers by will be entertained.

Today Jim had to put his dog, Daisy, down. It was sort of sad, but something that we knew was coming. Then we had to tell the kids. They were surprisingly calm, Honor just made sure that Tucky was still ok and Eden asked if she was in Heaven and that was about that. Death is still such a weird thing for me to comprehend. It’s amazing that the kids can handle it so much better than us adults.

Here she is with Tuck.

So long Daisy.

…is that it’s easy to think that God owes you something. And that life should be perfect and that we’re entitled to whatever makes us happy. But, whatever God gives us is a gift. We should be so thankful for whatever that may be. And living a life that Jesus commands means that we put ourselves last, not first.

Life can be so backwards sometimes…

It occurs to me that I haven’t had much to say lately about what I’ve been knitting. (Pardon the bad photos.)

While we camped a few weeks back I worked on this sweater for Honor.

It’s just my old stand by Knitting Pure & Simple #214 pullover pattern. But the yarn was what made it so fun. We’ve been using Big Mexiko for socks, but one of my teachers had the idea to use it for a childs sweater. Didn’t it turn out great?

I also just finished a model for the class I’ll be teaching in Nov. This is a pattern I wrote, just a simple ribbon pullover.

I love when I can knit on big needles and come out with something that’s not bulky at all.

There are so many things I want to knit, I can’t decide what to do next. I just finished up a stocking for the store that still needs some tweaking. And next I’m casting on the Blue Sky Alpacas Arm Warmers.

What’s on your knit list?

Monday
Potato Soup with turkey ham, green salad and toast topped with roasted green chiles

Tuesday
Bow Tie pasta with organic marinara and chopped salad

Wednesday
Homemade Pizza

Thursday
Chicken Stir Fry with brown rice

Friday
Grilled Chicken with steamed Broccoli

So, it’s about halfway through the day. A minute ago I was sitting at Tangle, knitting with one of my customers. I leaned forward and heard this strange scraping sound on the back of the chair. Thinking it was the buttons on the back of my new pants I reached back to straighten them out. But what I found was the cardboard tag, stapled to the waist band.

ah!!!

Tomorrow I turn 26 years old. I own my own house, I’m married, I have two children, I own my own business – all things that would make one think I was the model of responsibility. One would think…. Today I am suffering from a hangover. Yes, go ahead, laugh. I should know better than this. In fact, I DO know better than this and I believe that I vowed to never let this happen again… yes, yes I did vow.

Sigh, what am I going to do with myself? I feel like such an idiot! Maybe this time I will actually learn my lesson? I just hope I’m feeling better so I can enjoy my birthday tomorrow.

(PS, sweet, wonderful Jim began my birthday week on Wednesday. I’m so spoiled.)

I love my husband. I say that a lot but sometimes I don’t soak it in enough. Today I am soaking it in. He is such a good man – seems like those are hard to come by. I was thinking the other day about what a rock he has been to our relationship. He’s never been caught up in my tide of emotions. Things have always been good with our relationship, but he could have easily reacted to my bad behavior and let our relationship spiral out of control. (Do you get emotional and think the world is ending and then when you snap out of it, it’s like, “Oh, nevermind, things are great!”?)

There was a period that I became caught up in everything he did that bothered me. All I could focus on was all those little nit picky things that he did and was. I was allowing myself become unhappy with everything I didn’t have until one day what I did have slapped me in the face. I wasted all this time not reveling in what I HAD. And I have a lot.

Today I am so, SO thankful for my husband.

Today, as I wrote the date on Eden’s book check out card at school I thought of where I was 6 years ago at that very moment. I looked around the room at all the children moving around in a flurry of activity and giggles, realizing that all these tiny lives hadn’t even come into existence 6 years ago.

I remember my friend Sarah’s words about the day:

“It was later that I was really moved by all the children that were conceived on September 11. I really saw it as an act of great defiance towards the people who hate us so much. We will move forward with our lives by creating life through countless acts of love.”

(Take some time to read Sarah’s perspective of the day. Her view and her thoughts about me and my approaching child continue to touch me.)