Category: me


Thirty-One

September 20th, 2012 — 10:19am

31

I woke up on my 31st birthday in Cimarron. What a place to wake up in on your birthday! Brian got the whole staff and the whole YWAM staff to sing to me at breakfast and after we finished our morning session, we all packed up and headed home. I hadn’t had service up in Cimarron for a couple of days, so as we came off the mountain, my phone started blowing up with voicemails and texts and Facebook messages… nothing makes me feel more loved than being remembered on my birthday. We stopped in Montrose on our way home for coffee and wandered around Main Street for a couple minutes before heading home.

As soon as I got home I started cooking. I had 4 hours to make dinner for 50 people and get the rest of my house in order. Thankfully Rickelle and Brian came over to help me pull it all together and I got three soups and a giant salad made just in time for my friends to start arriving. I put several tables end to end in my back yard with white table cloths and served the soups in the kitchen buffet style.

Soup is one of my very favorite meals so I almost always have it for my birthday. This year I made Chicken Posole, Broccoli Corn Chowder with Bacon, and Artichoke Sausage Soup. I asked everyone to either bring bread or wine and we had some delicious selections of both.

I had 28 adults and 18 kids in my backyard to celebrate my birthday that night and it was just perfect. I had so much fun catching up with friends I hadn’t seen in awhile and connecting to new friends too. Thanks to Lisa for taking all the photos!

my backyard

kiddos
a small selection of the kiddos that were there!

brooke
Brooke is SO beautiful.

All my buddies

my birthday party!

kev & sarah
Kev & Sarah

my kitchen
My Collection of Anthropologie plates

reading my birthday cards by candlelight
reading my cards by candlelight

my backyard filled!
packed backyard

Serving up soup
Soup buffet

Comments Off | me, parties

independence

May 12th, 2012 — 11:54am

I think that we can safely say that I’ve solidly entered the dating phase of my journey. Gosh, it’s terribly fun… so this is what I missed out on by getting married at 18 and skipping college.

I had a realization last night while on a date. We were talking about what it’s like to be alone and what we wanted and I couldn’t really even list something that I want. What do I want my life to look like? Umm…exactly like it looks. My therapist’s goal for me was to get to the point where I didn’t need… I didn’t need a person or people to make me complete. I didn’t ever really believe that I would get to that point because the need inside me felt so desperate and huge. But I’m here… not sure how, but definitely here. Recently I had a guy offer, “What do you want from me?” and I couldn’t think of one thing to ask for. I don’t need anything.

I think there is this sense where none of us are islands… that in a way we all need each other… that’s kind of the point of being here – to live in community, to share life with those around us. We need people to make it through life. But there’s also this sense that if we so desperately need one person to ensure our survival, we are in humongous trouble. Because that person can always leave and your survival is no longer in your hands but in his. What an awesome responsibility to put on someone else…

Last night we were talking about wanting to have someone to take care of us and I realized that as much as I have longed to be taken care of (and never really have in the way I’ve wanted), knowing that I can (and do) take care of myself is so much more comforting than having someone else to do it for me.

I’m sure the dating phase won’t last forever. I’m sure eventually I will find someone that I don’t want to live without, but I’m not really looking ahead anymore. I don’t long anymore for the next phase. Instead I’m just reveling in where I am. Soaking it up and enjoying every moment of it because this will be the only time in my life I get this chance and I don’t want to ruin it by wishing for what’s next.

Thankful. <3

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